Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Onions Burgers and Ranch Fries

Hey guys and gals! Sorry we've been absent lately. It's been one hell of a week, no joke. Today we come prepared with a delicious recipe that'll knock your socks off. It's juicy, sweet, and salty all in one. If onions aren't your thing, check out one of our other recipes throughout this blog. We have plenty that'll satisfy your grub needs. Grab those aprons and we will get started!  

Onion Burgers and Ranch Fries 
Yields 8 Servings 

You Will Need: 
  • 1.5 LBs Ground Beef 
  • 1 Onion, diced 
  • 1 Package Onion Soup Mix 
  • Hawaiian Sweet Buns 
  • Crinkle Fries 
  • Ranch Powder 
  • Butter 

Things You Might Consider Grabbing: 
  • Condiments 
  • Tomatoes, sliced 
  • Lettuce 
  • Mixing Bowls 
  • Cast Iron Skillet 
  • Something to Drink, probably beer or wine 
  • Cooking Sheet 
  • Something to Spread Butter  

Let's go! 

  1. Open the package of meat. 
  2. Plop that juicy meat into a mixing bowl.  
  3. Sprinkle in your onion soup mix. 
  4. Chop up an onion and throw it into the mixture. Cry a few tears. Regret nothing. 
  5. Get in there and mix that meaty goodness with your phalanges. 
  6. Once that's done, form some meat patties. You should be able to make 8 to 10 patties depending on how thick you enjoy your meat. 
  7. Before cooking your burgers, dump the fries on the cooking sheet. 
  8. Sprinkle the ranch packet over the fries. 
  9. Preheat your oven to 425 degrees Fahrenheit 
  10. Cook the fries for 25 minutes. 
  11. As your fries are getting toasty, preheat your skillet. Make it hot like a Texas Summer! 
  12. Slap those formed meat patties into the skillet and let them cook for 3 to 4 minutes on each side. 
  13. They should smell and look delicious, like a cabana boy serving your drinks while on vacation. 
  14. You will know they're done when the meat no longer bleeds. 
  15. Grab your Hawaiian sweet rolls and slather them with buttah! Don't be afraid to get down into there with your butter. You want these bad boys golden and crunchy. 
  16. Slip them into the oven with your fries. Watch carefully or they will burn. No one likes that shit... 
  17. Once the fries and buns are done, start assembling your noms. 
  18. Bun, condiments, burger, lettuce, tomato, condiment, bun. Simple, right? We'd say so. 
  19. Enjoy your food and STUFF YOUR FACE!! 

Have a fan-freaking-tastic evening and we'll be back soon with another badass recipe. Hang tight and thanks for joining us! See you soon!

Saturday, October 1, 2016

Pull Your Pork!

What's happening bloggers and friends? We have something special up our sleeves today! We are going to be pulling our pork. By that, we mean whipping out our handy dandy crock pot and slapping a plump beef rump in that bad boy, cooking it for 8 hours, stabbing it with a couple forks, and ripping it to shreds. Sounds like fun, right? We'd say so! If you aren't a fan of pulled pork or coleslaw, that's a damn shame. The two pair wonderfully together, especially on Hawaiian sweet rolls. We couldn't find any of those little buggers, so we settled (unhappily, FYI) for normal bread rolls. Those weren't quite as delicious as we were looking for, but c'est la vie. Grab your weapons of choice and meet us in the kitchen!

Dr. "Pull Your Pork" Sandwiches
Yields Roughly 12 Servings

Things You Seriously Need:

  • 4.5 Lbs Pork Butt
  • 1 Can Dr. Pepper
  • Sweet Baby Ray's BBQ Sauce
  • 1.5 White Onions, chopped
  • Salt, to taste
  • Pepper, to taste
  • Garlic Powder, to taste
  • Dinner Rolls of choice
  • Pre-packages Cole Slaw
  • Mayo
  • Vinegar
  • Sugar

Things You Might Consider Grabbing:

  • Crock Pot
  • Gloves (If You're the Germ Avoiding Kind of Person)
  • A Big Bowl
  • Stirring Utensil of Sorts
  • Patience

  1. Grab your plump, juicy meat and slap that bad boy on a cutting board.
  2. With your fingers, massage the garlic powder, salt, and pepper in that delicious, moist meat. Add the seasonings to your liking, because truth be told, we didn't measure anything. It's all about preference.
  3. Don't be afraid of it. It won't bite, much.
  4. Once you've adequately made finger massaging love to your meat, throw that plump butt into the crock pot, dump in the Dr. Pepper, and turn it onto low, then cook low and slow for 8 hours. If you get frantic like Mandie did, you can turn it on to high. That could possibly make your meat even more tender and juicy, just saying. Forget about that shit for 8 hours. Drink some wine. Do yo thang.
  5. In the meantime, whip out that gigantic bowl we mentioned earlier. 
  6. Rip that bag of Cole Slaw open like you were hunting for a prize in a Cracker Jack box!
  7. Dump it into the bowl along with about 3 hearty spoonfuls on mayo. If you like your slaw extra creamy, add more. We did.
  8. Mix, mix, mix. You are officially a mixer, ta-da!
  9. Now flavor with sugar until it resembles Willy Wonka's candy factory.
  10. Once it's to your liking, add a splash on vinegar, literally. It's just to give a kick in your mouth...
  11. As soon as the Cole Slaw is to your liking, pop a lid on it and call it a day!

  1. Once your meat is plumped up, juicy, and you've managed to go psycho on it and shred it to itty bitty pieces, it's ready to be pieced together with it's fellow foods.
  2. Squirt some of that saucy BBQ goodness goodness onto your meat and mix that shit well.
  3. Place a heaping helping of your Dr. Pepper pulled pork onto those cloud-like rolls, then dump a gigantic spoonful of Cole Slaw onto that motherfu-- Oops. Perhaps we won't use that word on this blog...
  4. Top with the other half of your cloud bun and relish in this awesome meal you've managed to make.
  5. Serve with your favorite flavored chips and enjoy!

Thanks for being a dirty birdy with us in the kitchen! Come back for even more adult humor and fun recipes later in the week. For now, go STUFF YOUR FACE!